


My World is Only as Big as My Mother

by LemonyZest



Series: Normalcy is Overrated [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Female Sam Winchester, Baby Jack Kline, Baby!Jack, Castiel and Sam Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Female Sam Winchester, Gen, He wants to do right, I call bullshit that Kelly HAD to die in canon, I have a lot of feelings, Jack is a good bean, Kelly kline deserved better, Lucifer is still the baby daddy, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Sam is Jack's mother, bc I said so, but he's not in this story, fuckers, supernatural pregnancy, the writers just needed her as a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 15:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21138770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonyZest/pseuds/LemonyZest
Summary: Jack has some thoughts before he is born about what he wants.





	My World is Only as Big as My Mother

There were many things that Jack did not understand. 

That was alright because he could learn. Once he was born, his father, Castiel, would teach him lots of things. 

How to grow, and be, and see, and do. 

Jack wasn’t sure what being ‘born’ entailed, but he knew his world would become bigger afterwards. He knew he would get to see his parents’ faces, to know what they looked like in addition to what they sounded like and felt like.

His mother’s voice was soft and sweet and warm. She wrapped around him and made him feel impossibly safe. Jack had never known fear, could not imagine what such a thing felt like when he was so lovingly cradled within his mother’s warmth and love. 

She felt bright and yellow and green and good.

His father was blue and electric and pulsing, full of calm understanding and strength. Castiel’s voice was low and rumbled through Jack the way he thought thunder was supposed to rumble through the sky.

Jack knew he was loved and safe. He didn’t need to know much else. 

He also knew there was a twisting anxious feeling his parents shared between them. Jack did not like this feeling. 

When it became too much and his mother’s bright glow seemed to dim, Jack would puch himself outward to try and chase away the bad feeling. 

It often worked well, but the feeling always came back. It was a stubborn feeling. 

Jack was stubborn, too. 

It was not until later that Jack learned this feeling was called ‘worry’.

He did not like it at all, but it settled around him all the same, like a shroud he could not shake off. 

His mother worried, and his father worried, and so it seemed, Jack could not help but to worry as well. 

Mostly, his parents worried about and for him, though Jack could not understand why. 

He did not like this worry. It felt itchy and tight, and he could not pull it away or be rid of it.

Even when he chased the worry away, it always came back. 

His mother was worried about him being born. His ‘birth’. 

She was excited for him, but very scared, too. 

Jack hesitated. He had never been afraid, but he knew his mother was afraid. 

Was the world beyond her really so terrible?

Maybe it would be better if he stayed. 

But no.

His home inside his mother was rapidly growing too small, and Jack felt himself becoming restless. 

He wanted to stretch his body and to see his mother’s face. He wanted to speak to her, wanted for her to know his voice as he has always known hers. He wondered what she looked like. He wondered what his voice would sound like. 

He could not speak to her, could not tell her how much he loved her until he was outside of her. 

She always told him how much she loved him, and Jack needed to tell her he felt the same way. 

So even if ‘birth’ was scary, it would be worth it, he was sure. Him and her would get through it together, as they had encountered everything else before. 

Jack did his best to ignore the worry feeling that weighed around him. 

He busied himself with listening to his parents and the names energies around them speak. 

He tried to find words to match the feeling his mother had.

There were so many words, and so many feelings.

There was ‘hungry’ and ‘tired’, ‘frustrated’ and ‘proud’, ‘happy’ and ‘sad’. 

Jack relished each new feeling and word as they came to him, trying to feel what his mother felt, to understand as she understood. 

One night, he thought it must have been night because his mother was sleeping, Castiel placed a warm hand over the place Jack was in his mother. 

Jack pushed out, reaching and vibrating outward to show his father he was listening. He could feel Castiel, could almost feel his father’s wings flutter, and if Jack could he would laugh in delight at the sensation.

“Jack.” Castiel’s voice was low, quiet.

Jack understood. Castiel did not want to wake his mother. Jack settled and tried to hold very still under his father’s palm. 

Castiel wanted to tell him something important. 

“I don’t know if you can hear me.”

That was silly. Of course Jack could hear him. 

Jack wanted to tell him so, but did not know how. 

Castiel sighed, and Jack did not like the sadness that rippled off of him. 

(Why are you sad, father? Because you don’t know if I can hear you? Have I disappointed you? I’m sorry.)

“Jack, you are very special. There had never, and will never again be anything quite like you.”

Yes, his mother had told him he was special, but he didn’t care. He didn’t really understand what ‘special’ meant in the first place. He had no frame of reference for it. 

“Your mother, she loves you so much.” Castiel kept pausing, trying to choose his words carefully.

Jack was growing impatient. He did not know how to tell his father this. 

“She is one of the strongest people I have ever known. She is SO strong, Jack.”

Yes, his mother was strong. Jack agreed wholeheartedly. He felt himself puff up with the feeling of ‘pride’. 

“But, Jack, you are stronger.”

Jack squirmed despite how still he’d been trying to be. He suddenly did not want to hear what his father had to say. 

“Bringing you into the world, Jack. It is going to take more strength than she has.”

(What does that mean? Mom is strong. She can do it. I know she can. Then we can be together. I want to know what it feels like to be hugged by my mother. Soon. Soon. Then I will hug you, too, Father.)

“Jack, giving birth to you will destroy her. She is so strong, but no one is strong enough to bring someone as special as you into this world.”

Jack thought he might be shaking. He did not like this. 

(Mom can’t. She can’t.)

(I need her.)

“Jack, I need to ask you a favor. I don’t know if it’s something you can do, but I need to ask you to try. I need you to protect your mom. I need you to protect her from yourself. You have to be very careful when you’re born. I need you to try very hard to not hurt her. Don’t worry about anything else. Just focus on her. If you do that.”

Cas inhaled deeply, as if he had run out of breath without meaning to. 

“If you can do that, Jack, I know Sam will be the most amazing mother. I’ll protect you, both of you, but I need you to do this favor. Then we can be a family, all of us. I want us to be family, Jack.”

(I want us to be a family, too.)

Castiel takes his hand away and Jack feels suddenly very alone as his father leaves the room. 

He buries himself into his mother’s warmth.

No wonder his mother and father had that ugly feeling of worry about him being born.

Jack did not know, had not realized.

Now he knew. His mother needed him to keep her safe, just like she had kept him safe. 

Then, and only then, they could be a family.

Jack focused inward for maybe the first time, tried to make himself, all of his coiling, exploding self small. It was difficult. 

His mother felt so claustrophobic around him, he had wanted nothing more than to burst out upon his birth, but he could not.

He would hurt her if he did that. 

Jack had to make himself small. 

He had to make himself safe for her. 

He could grow after, as much as he wanted, but first he needed to be small. 

Jack refused to hurt his mother. 

Jack resolved himself to holding himself together in a tight ball. The whirling energy and tiny explosions happening inside of him felt so big, but he had to hold them all inside for her.

It was difficult, but Jack didn’t mind.

Jack wanted nothing more than to be with his family.

He wanted to love and be loved, and he would be anything he needed to be for that. 

(I can’t wait to meet you both. We’re going to be so happy together.)

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my fem!Sam verse bc writing in chronological order is for pussies. 
> 
> Sam is Jack's mom, and Cas is taking care of them the way he took care of Kelly in canon.   
(Kelly is Kyle Kline in this verse and is the vessel that Lucifer used when Jack was conceived. Mr. Kline is still alive and is thriving in his career bc Kelly deserves to still be related to Jack but also not be dead)


End file.
